Preoccupied with daft things!

Recently I have bought myself a study bible, which include the morning and evening prayers of the Orthodox Church. The reason I bought this bible is that I desired a English translation of the septuagint, which I believe to be the “real” version of the Old Testament....you've heard of King-James-onlyists, well you might say I'm a septuagint-onlyist! When I saw a copy of the Orthodox Study Bible in Cardiff I had to buy it.

I have found that using the Morning and Evening Prayers in my prayer live particularly useful, and use the Morning Prayer before my daily Bible readings, along with the epistle and gospel that is thoughtfully provided in the Lectionary. This morning I had to suppress a giggle whilst praying the “morning prayer to the holy trinity” as I read the sentence “You have not had indignation against me, for I am slothful and sinful” at 11am! I had a very good lie-in and had been quite slothful, compared to usual, but this line has led me to writing this post.

The thought came to me that people are often slothful in their prayer/worship lives, or so it seems to me. I know that on a Sunday morning I wake up at the last moment before preparing to go to church, and some of the youth often don't come because 9:30am does not really exist on a Sunday morning! I know people who think the idea of a church service before 11am is awful and who wonder how I cope. I cope because it is a privilege to be able to take part in worshipping God. Yet I know that I don't worship with as much zeal as I should.

So often we are very conscience of time in church and I think this is a bad thing. We are preoccupied more about “when this service is going to end” rather than “Wow.....God has done so much for me. He deserves my all and my time”. The thought comes to mind that I don't spend as much time in prayer and worship as I should. Wesley said that if he had not spent 4 hours in prayer his day wasn't as it should be. I have no excuse for not spending that much time in prayer and worship, being unemployed, but I do not choose to spend the time I should in prayer and worship. I am, so often, unwilling to hand my time over even though it would be beneficial for me to do so!

I spend so much time getting bored doing nothing when I could be reading Gods word, the Wisdom of God, but I don't. This is something I do not advise! More embarrassing is that people seem to think that I'm somehow doing well in my Christian life and tell me that I am a good example....this is sheer bollocks, as far as I am concerned! Please don't use me as an example of how to live the Christian life, because I suck. I guess the best I can say about myself is that I have noticed where I am failing and know what I need to do, it's just I can never seem to do what needs to be done.

I find that it is much easier to say one thing and do another. I am reminded of a episode in Lord of the Rings, in the chapter “Shadow of the past” where Gandalf challenges Frodo to cast away the Ring. Frodo even says he will, but fails.

and with an effort of will...[Frodo]made a movement, as if to cast it away – but he found he had put it back in his pocket.

I find that this is a wonderful illustration of temptation, in that we always seek to do what is right but are always held back by that nagging thought.....if that makes sense! “I know I need to stop doing (thing of your choice) but I want to do (thing of your choice) one last time” is, for me anyway, a common occurrence! What shouldn't really be one time becomes twice/thrice and so on! If I say I must stop doing something, then I must STOP doing something.....sadly easier said than done.

Too often as a person I where a mask, a mask that says “everything is OK here” but this is a bad thing, I do it as a Christian as well and fear that I am not the only one. It would be fantastic if I was supposed to live my life on my own, but I am not. The burden of Christianity, though relatively light, is, to an extent, designed to be shared, I believe, and this is why it is foolish not to have a confessor. If we do wear a mask we are, in effect, lying, both to others and frequently to ourselves. I don't think this is a clever thing to do! If I had not carried all the burden on myself at College I am sure that I would have gotten better grades than I did, but I was too proud to admit that all was not well. So often it is pride, and a refusal to share, that holds me back, which is why I find blogging so helpful!

It is important to spend the time that God deserves, but he does not force us to do so. We have to choose to sacrifice that time, or how else can our service be “a sacrifice of praise?” This, I believe, is the secret to becoming like Christ, to spend time with our God Father, Son and Holy Spirit leads us to a knowledge and understanding of our creator....Yes it is possible to see his image in all of creation; but if we want to know and understand him then we have to put the time and effort into getting to know and understand him.....or that is my understanding of things anyway!

O Christ our God, who at all time, and at every hour, in heaven and on earth, are worshipped and glorified; who are long-suffering, merciful and compassionate; who love the just and show mercy upon the sinner; who call all to salvation through the promise of blessings to come; O Lord, in this hour receive our supplications and direct our lives according to Your commandments. Sanctify our souls, Hallow our bodies, correct our thoughts, cleanse our minds; deliver us from all tribulations, evil and distress. Encompass us with Your holy Angels that, guided and guarded by them, we may attain to the unity of the faith and to the knowledge of Your unapproachable glory, for You are blessed unto ages of ages. Amen